Where to begin?…Is often a question I ask myself. Living in such a cold world; its desperation for attention; never waking up the dead. Who are the dead? I find myself helpless and alone. The ongoing toil of finding and defining myself within a society that has no care for my soul.
These are some of the thoughts I found myself contemplating, when I too, ( thinking of Chris’ recent blog-“Finding the meaning of things you wrote”) did experience words of a song, that had revisited my mind, and had an even more, present day profound meaning to them. I speak of the song Need You Now, which actually had its conception about 4 years ago.
Recently, I was deepening my thought process on the power of fear, and the layers that it holds, in one’s own being; my own being. The very vivid fear that I had experienced in my life; a wide range of phobias; and the fear which is more obscure; the relational fears. Fears that seem to drive and motivate the will, for a returned moment of feeling loved or accepted. The struggle to see myself as someone with great value, as opposed to someone that will never be enough. And by “great value”, the notion that we are all ‘prized’ by our Creator, is the thought driven essence for this phrase.
There is a sense within, that beckons me to be better; to think more positive. And yet the on going thoughts, or ‘ghosts’ as one lyric expresses, continuous like a broken record, seem as though they’re always playing; always feeling a suffocation in thought, whether from past hurts or a negative mental pattern that’s been created.
So, I found myself on a journey and started to think opposite of another lyric and what it could mean to be ‘crowned’ and placed on a throne. To me, this is a royal thought! Something to be proud of; an honor; a privilege; a great responsibility. There is a certain joy, a sense of purpose and being loved] that fills my being as well. It means elevation; a status of no lack (not just monetary); and a position that is maintained with humility. l realize there is much more to this idea, but it is enough for me to see that the impact of fear, and all it’s layers, really has had a dethroning effect in my life.
There is a scripture passage that states, “There is no fear in love, because perfect love drives out fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.”
I have come to the point in my life that the need for such perfect love is imperative! And the quest for peace of mind, received from such love, drives me to the hope of its existence. That amidst the darkest of thoughts, there is a still small light, guiding me; making the darkness yield to it’s fruit.
As in the 2nd verse: Love does remake; It rebuilds and shapes in ways that are sometimes never thought possible. It frees the soul, and frees from the sense of control of time, that isn’t just our own. Love establishes greatness, within and without, making it’s impact and leaving it’s mark.
I continue this quest to understand the dramatic power that this four letter word holds; love, that is. I am secure with the notion of needing something more than myself to feel the fullness of what this life has to offer.
Who will care for my soul? God holds the breath of my existence.